The Spaces In-Between
I am often not a ‘fan’ of anyone or anything, unless it’s the band my son is in (and then I’m their number 1 fan, in my head anyway). However, I have a lot of time for the ideas and concepts presented by Father Richard Rohr (and others) from the Centre for Action and Contemplation. It’s not that everything he (and they as an organisation) says I can comprehend or necessarily agree with at this stage in my existence (and maybe I never will), but the content I am emailed each day frequently makes me think. My connection with him and the organisation ends there. The wonderings here and now are based on what I have read there.
Apparently, the Latin word limen means threshold. Liminal space is described as an inner state and sometimes an outward situation where we can (if we choose to) begin to think and act in new ways. It is the space between. Between what? Maybe career roles or vocational ones or any other kind of scenario where one is not quite out of one life space and not yet into the next.
The shift may not have happened out of choice, in fact, it often will not have come about as an intentional life choice. One similarity, it could be suggested, for all of us in such a ‘space’ is that is likely to cause us to be a bit more vulnerable than usual and not as ‘in control’ as we’d maybe choose to be. I guess it could be said of any season of life, but here and now, I’m thinking about those clear shifts that have been significant and life changing for the individual at the centre of them. The loss of career is mine, alongside a huge shift in how and where I am living, but it could also be the loss of someone close for any reason, including those who have travelled to the life after here (that is if you believe one exists. I do.).
Rohr suggests that in this liminal space there can be humility. He suggests this is partly due to there likely being less ego-confirmation. There can also be a lack of obvious purpose where maybe previously there was a clear purpose.
I find it fascinating (and sometimes perplexing) that the perspective of any of us at any given time is so hugely driven by our life context at that time. When fully active in my previous career, I’d have told you that my role wasn’t ego-feeding or simply task driven. I would have said that it was just me living out my life like anyone else is living out theirs. I would have told you it was simply me serving those I had the privilege to serve (children, families, staff, or any other member of the community) and it was less focussed on me.
I wouldn’t say that now. Now I can see it was partly what I’ve said I thought it was, but also it was serving several purposes for my mindset, my ego, my motivation and was (I now realise) the second biggest driver in my purpose for ‘being’.
There is a tension in this liminal space. The tension of holding what was and what is not yet. Is that tension good or bad? I’d say it is neither good nor bad whilst also being both good and bad depending on which aspect of it is the focus at any given point.
Does it affect belief about God or our place on the planet by being ‘here’ in this space? At the root of what I know that I know (‘God is’ and ‘I am’), I guess that in some ways for me, it changes nothing. But in other ways it has caused some shifts.
When I was ‘there’ (in the career role, frantically running around, doing, stressing and being focussed and driven to achieve outcomes for whoever about whatever), I would have told you it wouldn’t affect my view of life or God or self. I was deluded. Weirdly (maybe), I quite like it when I gently discover my latest delusions. It’s a bit liberating somehow. It is also additional confirmation that I will never know anything much and what I do think I know will keep shifting and changing as I change and as my perspective changes. Additionally, for me, it makes the God aspect of my existence greater and my part lesser, which, to be frank, is a relief.
I’ve realised I am likely to navigate this liminal space like a blundering numpty who on some days won’t be able work out which way is up and on others will be liberated and keen to discover what’s next.
When I was ‘then’ and not in this space, I’d have theorised and read Rohr’s comments about the necessity for this space and the fact that there is potential within this space, and I would have fully agreed with him. It would have made logical sense to me. I now see (whilst in this space) that I do still think that, but I’m seeing it without the protection of it not being my reality. This ‘now’ needs to be humbly navigated, recognising any role or task I might seek out is simply just going to mask its presence.
It won’t be just me who is ‘here’ in their lives right now. No way. It’s also probably not just me who has days where I attempt to scramble out of this metaphorical location and randomly apply for work roles that I’m qualified for and have the experience for as a way of escaping ‘this’. However, there is something…a nugget of something…somewhere buried internally, that makes me realise that for me, in the now of now, that’s not the best plan. As uncomfortable as it might be, ‘here’ is where I’ll be. Maybe for some time to come.
My ‘solutions’ so far. Firstly, I started a personal quest to pass as many graded exams with the Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music as I can. I’m doing these on three different instruments to the one that is my main instrument. Alongside that, I’m resurrecting some of the long neglected learnt skills I once had on what was my main instrument 20 years ago. How’s that going? Okay, and maybe surprisingly, I’m enjoying it. I know it’s only a strategy. I’m justifying (to myself) this latest obsession with passing exams as being related to the part-time music teaching work I’m doing. Also, I must fill my non-working hours with something, right? I’m just going to run with that for now.
Yes, of course, the more mundane and ordinary day-to-day tasks of life continue, and these are necessary and important up to a point. But right now, learning to be ‘here’ and being open enough to admit that ‘here’ isn’t a bad place (even if it is uncomfortable) and that it does (potentially) have potential within it, is my main task. Maybe. And I consider it important that I must consciously allow it rather than try to fight my way out of it. Maybe, if I can maintain that mindset, there is more chance of me seeing what’s next in any plans for my future on the planet…which I do believe will always be By Design and be rooted in reasoning I may or may not ever understand.
I have noticed too that some scriptures I’ve often quoted, especially when I used to play that weird game many Christians play of (what I call) ‘Bible Verse Ping Pong’, has shifted in how I see it too. Two examples are these:
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7)
Of course, interpretations of what those verses mean, in and out of context, are many. But from how I used to ‘ping’ and ‘pong’ them about, what do I think now?
I think God is. I think He does have plans to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I think these will sometimes be what we think we want to happen (from our limited perspective) and sometimes will not be. I think I am His whether I ever again have another vocation as clear as the last one or not. I think my life ‘is’ for reasons I will probably never be able to grasp. And I think that must be enough. And usually, I find it is. Is that faith? I’m kind of thinking it kind of is.
I might even get to like this ‘nowly’ defined ‘liminal space’ of walking effectively by faith and not by sight. You never know. Stranger things have probably happened. Right?