Have you found that the autist you know can be (when in a particular zone of self) quirky and amusing without trying to be so? Yes, quite possibly. Maybe even, quite probably. I’m wondering if it’s more of a thing than I’ve previously given it credit.
Several years ago, Mike told me I should do a stand-up routine. I (in all honesty) had no idea what he was going on about, but he was quite persistent about it. My husband has always found me amusing and I’ve never understood why. Of late, I’ve become aware (in a different way than I was already a bit aware) that others are amused by me too. When I relayed this fact to my husband, he laughed. And when I write ‘he laughed’, I don’t mean a short-lived little tittering laugh. I mean he laughed in a (what seemed to me) fully over the top, belly bouncing, raucous way. My facial reaction to this was apparently not hidden, as him catching a glimpse of whatever I was showing on my face resulted in even more of the same kind of laughter. Weird.
If we (me and any out there who are like me) tried to be amusing, would it work? I doubt it. I realise some will have managed it and will have ‘made it’ (whatever that’s about) in the comedy scene, but for others of us, you’re likely to only be amused by us when we’re not masking and are being just how we are, rather than how we think we are expected to be.
I have seen the looks of bemused, amused and confused ‘muggles’ in all kinds of contexts and have learnt to read that expression (or at least, I think I have, and realise I might have not done so very well or very completely). It used to make me paranoid but I’m mostly over that now.
I’ve decided that if I and others like me are a little less conventional in the facial expressions we use, or the reactions we have, or the phraseology that naturally falls out of our mouths as we speak or fingers as we type, or if it is more about the mannerisms we unknowingly have, maybe that’s a marvellously wonderful thing. Maybe.
I like to be causing amusement, if the one who is amused by me also values me in some way (which will be the same as the ‘muggles’, I’m sure. Who doesn’t want to feel valued and appreciated?). It feels like a kind of service to them, to bring a little joy maybe, and seems to act (a little) as a counterbalance to other zones I might occasionally enter which are (possibly) less amusing.
I think I’ll end with a question. Do we need to train and modify the ways and behaviours of those autists (or whoever else) around us who demonstrate much that is quirky and amusing? I think I’ve finally worked out that this is not necessary. In fact, I’d go further. We could simply leave them as they are with their funny little ways and see that maybe they bring something that’s worth more than nothing. Maybe they (we) bring a little ‘Je ne sais quoi’ (I don’t know what). Nice. That’s nice. Isn’t it?! Let’s run with that it is.
