Live, Observe, Learn, Repeat

Is it (getting old) to do with age alone? Obviously, there will be (potentially) some physical aspects of ageing that mean adjustments to ‘being older’ are unavoidable, but do we sometimes compound that by thinking like an older person? Is it possible to make ourselves (without intending to) act and behave in older ways than are necessary? If it is possible to do that, do we do it largely because of our own perceptions (however true or misguided) of what It is to be ‘old’? Can we make our ageing process harder on ourselves by just letting all this happen to us with no proactive thought or actions? I’m beginning to think so.

Does our ‘wiring’ (in my case, my autistic wiring) affect how we approach ageing? Maybe, or maybe not to so much. I am wondering if my wiring might even be (sometimes) a benefit in such a scenario. After all, as I’ve written many times before, once I (with this wiring) learn a way to do things, it can become fully ‘fixed’ into ‘my ways of being’ and can become an advantage. I can click into that response or behaviour pattern or ‘navigation of life technique’ and I can emerge positively from scenarios that would have wiped me out (if I had not employed the established or forming techniques in my toolkit). Yes, I’m aware I ‘fix’ less than positive ways of being into myself (and my ways) too, but the focus here is not that (thankfully).

What has caused this wondering about age? Simple. I hit the monumental age of 50 in January and my son has just become 24. How can this be, I ask myself (whilst knowing the answer)? Simple. The fact is: Time passes. We can moan about it, wish it were different or any other manner of action in our internal being to eventually be forced to admit it is happening to all of us constantly. We are ageing. That’s that.

I deciding it was time that I tried to find proactive ways of helping myself as I navigate the post 50 era of my existence. I believe our biggest successes can land and become helpful when we can find a way to be part of our own ‘solution’ or are involved in creating our ‘ways of managing whatever (including self)’. With that in mind, I have begun to explore and try out some of the ideas that have landed in my inner girl.

Daniel’s birthday trip to Newquay (my way of getting him out of London and into a different landscape and air type for two days) to see my mum was a perfect opportunity to consciously begin this process. Weirdly, (or not), if Daniel is with me, I will ALWAYS manage more than if he is not. I don’t know why that’s the case, but it’s the case. I could guess, and we could go down that rabbit hole, but for now, let’s run with the fact that it is simply how it is. I will manage more as ‘Mum’ and when Daniel is with me than if he were not.

With that fact in place, I began the experimentation on self.

I have choices. Always. And this keeps me my version of sane. I can choose to try things, or I can choose to give reasons why I can’t do something or won’t try something. When I have data about my reactions and responses to situations, I can then use that information to inform future choices. Of course. It would be daft not to do that, right? But when it’s for the first time as part of a life experiment, I needed to get my mindset into “If there is no real reason to say ‘no’, simply say ‘yes’ and do it (whatever it is – within reason and considering all previous life data that has been collated and filed internally, obviously)”.

We diverted to Cheddar Gorge on the way for a dog walk. Easy. It broke up the journey and I knew where to park and how to get to the top thanks to a little local knowledge from a near-local-person-to-there and one instance of a previous experience of the place. We saw lovely views. We had lots of exercise (so there’s the always-needed-for-me endorphin hit which is ever present with D because he’s very tall and walks quickly). There was lots of strong wind blowing at the top which was great (as I love strong winds. Um, hang on, and I love gentle breezes. Oh, and also I am a fan of no air movement. Hmmm, basically, I love weather. Dawn, shhhh. Enough. You are once again diverting yourself from what was intended to be the focus).

Following this session of (effectively) mini mountaineering, we got back into the car. Before going to Nanny’s place, D said he wanted to do a walk up Porth Headland. He announced this as we were driving through the kind of rain that needs the fastest wipers to be on. “So, Dawn” (she quickly asked herself in the 0.5 seconds she had to formulate a response), “…what are you going to say?” “Yes, great idea.” Or “We probably need to get to Nanny’s soon”. Or “This is hardly the weather for that.” Thankfully, I’d internally calibrated for ‘Dawn experiments with her ‘old person’ ideas and strategies of lessening the impact of age’, so I simply said, “Great idea”. We went.

The driving rain was fun to start with, and then it simply stopped, and then there was a super ‘sun reveal’. At that point I thought that initial ‘stage one’ of my internal experiment was going well. The weekend outworked in many ways like that and yes, okay, we did 763 miles in 60 hours, which was a lot of driving in my tiny and ageing Fiat 500, but we saw loads and we did loads. Yes, there were many weather experiences to dress as appropriately as we could for, and a few slightly challenging terrains to navigate (both physical because of the North Coast terrain and because I’m me), but it was all good and lovely. Intentionally, I used ‘yes’ a lot.

I’ve decided a thing. (This happens a lot, but can we just run with it for now?)

I don’t want to become an older me while constantly asking things like: Is it fully safe? Is it wise? Will I manage? Will it make me too tired? (This list could go on, but let’s stop it here – you get the idea).

I also don’t want to further trap my autistic self into corners where I think ‘I can’t’ because of the barriers and very disabling aspects of what it is to be autistic me. Maybe this ‘try saying yes unless there is a very good and well evidenced reason why no is needed’ way forward will help not only ageing Dawn but also autistic Dawn. Yeah, okay, I’ll need to put in some sensible protections of self, but that’s mostly doable, isn’t it? In this scenario, I knew that when I got home from the Newquay trip, it would be wise to have two whole days where very little was required of me and where I had minimal contact with humans. I know that is necessary because of the previous life data that I’ve gathered from previous life experiments. Maybe there is more power in this ‘yes’ thing than I’m yet aware of. Who knows? I guess I’ll try it a bit more and find out as I go.

Will this autistic over 50-year-old learn to ‘grow old gracefully’? Oh, I very much doubt it. Anyway, gotta go. I’ve decided nightly stretching of my legs and back will help ease the ageing issues too, so it’s time for that. Laters. x