My Social Media Experiment
I tried it. Having recently self-published my book, I knew (from my research) that no one would know about the book unless it came from any promotion I did myself. That was one reason for beginning the social media experiment. The other reason was to ‘spread the message’. What message? That whatever we struggle with, whatever labels we wear, whatever difficulties we encounter for whatever reason, we (as individuals) have some say and power over some of how we experience and navigate life.
I’d looked at what was ‘out there’ before I began my little expedition into the relatively unknown terrain of social media. What had I found? That many with a label or diagnosis or difficulty were looking for others who experience situations and aspects of life similarly to them. I guess all that is part of being human, but I was quite staggered. I understand the need to be ‘understood’. I do. I understand the need to find others who encounter similar things to those we encounter. I understand the seeking out of others in the hope that we are not ‘alone’ in our experiences of life.
What I do not understand, however, is how it seems to stop there. Why does it mostly stop at that point? Are we really (as a species of neurodiversely-wired people) happy to share stories and swap (what are in some ways) ‘symptoms’ and advocate for understanding and adaptions but are then seemingly fully comfortable that it ends there? Maybe I’m on my own a bit, but it seemed (from what I saw before and during my social media experiment) that this was what people sought. The swapping of stories and experiences was what was recognised by the many and seemed to be what people wanted to ‘follow’ or ‘like’. To me that is interesting, but it interested me in a kind of bemused way.
Highlighting difficulties we encounter as those who are neurodiverse does give the ‘explanation’ as to why someone might experience some aspects of life similarly to others who are wired similarly. Fine. But that’s it? We’re going to stop with that? Really?
I am quite comfortable in admitting that I am not of that make-up. Yes, for me, understanding of why I am how and who I am has been a necessary step in a much longer process. But I see that ‘point of reference’ as being the springboard from which the real-life lessons can begin. I (since diagnosis, along with the research I did before it) understand why I respond as I do and experience things as I do. Fine. But I am not happy to allow life to hit me with whatever and then expect myself to just take the blows and say to myself, “Oh, it’s okay Dawn. It’s just because you are autistic. And maybe you need to shut yourself away from this or that or the other so you don’t have to experience it as you do. Maybe you need to recognise that there are things that are closed off to you because they are tricky to navigate. Maybe there is much you cannot do or cope with because you are neurodiverse.” No.
I refuse to live like that.
I cannot see any benefit in living like that.
I am 100% certain that we will all learn to find happier lives, and experience more fulfilled lives when we understand self, yes, if from that point, we also work out how that understanding of self will enable us to move forward.
Some of our difficulties will need to be avoided. Yes. Many will not. Many will lessen or become easier to manage through exposure and some will even slightly turn into super-powers if given the chance to do so. And each of those choices remain fully ours to make.
I realised that by exposing myself to so much ‘story sharing’ and ‘symptom swapping’ (effectively), I was starting to focus on that, and I could tell it wasn’t healthy for me. I mostly exist in full-on ‘manage self’ as a constant state anyway but with increased exposure to the ‘issues’, I could sense I was in danger of drowning in my own and others’ ‘stuff’. I saw that people engaged more with the ‘issue sharing’ than anything that was about how we can best help ourselves and each other. The weighting was with the sharing aspect rather than any kind of ‘Now what?’ or ‘What next?’… or indeed anything at all proactive.
I did find that thousands of people on TikTok watched (or thumb-swiped) my videos of me speaking to camera more than any photo and caption compilations. I had got to over 60K views in TikTok as a combined total of my videos during the two months. It was hardly viral but I had clocked up quite a lot of views. And yet, hardly anyone wanted to engage with the messaging that attempted to recognise the difficulties but then work out how we might manage them and try to live a happier and more fulfilled life.
Views on Instagram were lower and at about 2K and engagement on there came mostly from people who know me. I was absolutely not on there for those who know me (or those who think they know me – two different and real ‘camps’).
After about a month, I found myself in a place I didn’t ever think I’d be! Dawn was learning about how to ‘get more views’, and how to ‘feed the algorithm’, and how to ‘increase engagement’. Oh my! Because I am wired autistically and can have a tendency to get a little obsessive, I did my research and tried all the things the ‘experts’ (i.e. those who have reached the dizzy heights of viral views) advised. Oh my!
At the two month point, it was as if I woke up. I had seen (by that point) that I too was playing the ‘feeding the algorithm’ game and I released a video post about it. I asked what we were doing? I asked why we were seeking more views? Was it for recognition? Was it for affirmation? And anyway, how could we hope to crack a system run by artificial intelligence that can morph and change in the blink of an eye (and much more quickly than that)?
Usually, my TikTok posts were at 600 views within about 20-minutes. The post that questioned the function of the algorithm along with wondering about our motivations for seeking more views? It had only 9 views after 2 hours. Maybe the algorithm is sensitive to negative messaging about itself. I guess that is because without us trying to feed it, there is less incentive for us to be active on whatever platform it is working within. I guess if we realised that seeking ‘views’ or ‘affirmation’ via online means really counts for very little at all (I guess unless you are selling something or aim to be an influencer who earns money because the Great Algorithm has chosen you to promote the platform it works inside). 9 views after 2 hours was a wake-up call and cemented my decision to leave my social media experiment behind me.
I removed content, and I disabled or limited my exposure and presence on all the platforms I dabbled with during the two months. Would I be of the same opinion if I had experienced high engagement and viral views? I don't know. But either way, in the now of now I am pleased that I woke up.
What have I found since I left? Release and relief, to be honest. The reality is, that if people are only engaging with me via a ‘like’, they are not really people who are interested in anything to do with me. Not really. I made the decision to not give weight to such an affirmation need in me and instead to focus on the people I do have 1:1 contact with either in my day-to-day life or via direct messaging from them to me or me to them. I do not want to see what anyone else is up to via the use of social media and I do not want to use it as a way of spying on anyone else. If people are actually in my life, I will already know what they're up to and they will know what I'm doing too. In that way, I have returned to my own actual life experiment and am focussing on who and what are in my ‘now’. Also, that sense of constantly being judged by the 'on-lookers'? It's gone. That's a relief too (whether they were judging me harshly or were encouragers).
Much of what we are bombarded with via social media can impact us in a plethora of ways (and I admit not all good and not all bad). Also, it can easily eat away at the precious little time we have on the planet. I have decided that I’d rather spend my time engaging with those in my actual life, or making my ridiculous crocheted hedgehogs with no legs (I had to make my own version with no legs as I didn’t understand the pattern someone recommended to me!), or making my dodgy little bags that are clearly home-made, or trying selling things on my new Etsy shop that currently has no sales to report, or focussing on my up-coming additional studies in Educational Psychology, or my potentially (and hopefully) shifting work life, or listening to books I am choosing to learn from to help me (potentially) to make better decisions than those I have previously made, or my intent on trying yoga as a way of ageing gracefully and with as much strength and flexibility as I can.
These are the life choices I have made for me (following my two months of exposure to and engagement with social media), and I have shared some of my rationale as to why I have made the choices I have. And the marvellous thing about life is that you get to choose for yourself what you will do and how you will do it. I wish you well with whatever you decide. :)