Are they welcomed because they signal an imminent connection with another human or an organisation about which we have an interest? Is it that the internal positive message we receive just by the very act of being contacted by someone (about whatever it is they are contacting us) makes us feel valued? How addictive is the dopamine hit of affirmation received when that’s what the message contains? Is it all just about the attention? Is it the feeling of being noticed or even simply that someone (anyone) recognises we’re alive? Does it make us feel important? Is it more about the need to be needed? Do the pings or buzzes drag us from what is our ‘now’ to a place or person elsewhere? Do we initiate the link with a place or person elsewhere as a way of avoiding our ‘now’? Is it an attempt to link the ‘now’ in one place with the ‘now’ in the other?
I used to have my alerts on for everything. I had different types of notifications for different types of messages. There were times when I had specific personalised notifications for specific people. There is not a single doubt in my mind that I was an addict at extreme levels. Am I still like that? Yes, most definitely; to a certain extent. But now you’ll only get through as an alert if you’re one of a handful of people. Anyone else, well, you’ve been muted. Sorry. Actually, I’m not sorry.
Have I muted you because I don’t want to hear from you? No. It isn’t that. It’s more that I recognised something about myself and my responses to pings, buzzes, and all manner of other alerts I had going on off at any time of day or night. Simply put, for me, there were the two opposite extremes in terms of my reactions. On the one hand, I became obsessive about the receiving of any message from an individual (the individual has shifted over the years depending on season and life context). On the other hand, it was the dread (in varying measure, depending on the scenario of the moment). Sometimes it was the dread of the update about the next stage in the latest tricky situation at work, or the additional exposure to the total injustice of the latest ridiculous scenario that would also need managing. Sometimes it was the message from a person I felt was manipulating or trying to control me; or it was that there were those who seemed intent on goading me for some kind of response to whatever they had sent me.
When I noticed this was happening, I did what many were already doing (I just caught on a bit late, which is a gross understatement). I activated ‘mute’ and I explored the ‘archive’ functions within the various apps. One of my autistic strategies of self-management is rooted in the need for a level of control which can (at best) act as a partial counterbalance for all the times and situations where it is impossible (or inappropriate) for me to have any control at all. Activating ‘mute’ or ‘archive’ gives me some of that. I actually think all humans (irrespective of identified need) need to have a level of control in some life areas, but I recognise the necessity for me to have this at (some might say) extreme levels. I realised that this shift of managing all ‘incoming’ alerts was an instant semi-fix for me. Did I need to explain my use of ‘mute’ to any of my contacts? No. Can I now control my exposure to interactions with others via the device that is mobile and goes pretty much everywhere with me? Yes. Has that adjustment changed my life in a good way? Most definitely, it has.
I have a bit of a theory that so many of us are in overload nearly all the time by the number of interactions and updates of all kinds that we are exposed to. Maybe we are, maybe not. Maybe it’s just me who is, although I doubt that.
It is true that words are one of my greatest joys (I know I use too many. This website is evidence of that), but sometimes I wonder if so many of us are drowning in them. Sometimes I wonder if it wise to just block them out. Maybe the momentary silencing of all words from all sources, however seemingly urgent or important or interesting they might be, might help us all work out what we think or believe as individuals. Maybe the silencing can give us space to not just be bombarded by the demands, opinions or thoughts of others. Maybe.
We can be in charge of our own ‘word diet’, can’t we? Maybe not fully, but maybe partially we can.
