Live, Observe, Learn, Repeat

I don’t mean our literal sight, although for some, I imagine that is also a strength. (It isn’t for me as I wear varifocals (in case you needed to know, which I realise you don’t, but I’ve told you anyway). Varifocals are annoyingly unhelpful when trying to read music, especially when playing the piano. Basically, I need them (the glasses) up the other way to the way they are…but as they (whoever they are) don’t make Dennis-Taylor-like glasses for varifocal-wearing piano playing musicians…at least, I don’t think they’ve been invented yet, I have to get on with it and do the best I can, even if it does make my piano playing posture a little unconventional.) All that aside, I mean the kind of sight I’ve referred to before (and will do so again, I’m sure). The one that is about how we ‘see’ scenarios, people and life in general. I mean how our BS monitors are acutely sensitive (and usually ridiculously accurate) and how we can often just ‘say it as it is’ in so many contexts (although, I realise, not all contexts. Weird how this is another one of those things where at some points, it’s a crazy and unbeatable strength and at others is a fully disabling moment when not a word comes out of our mouths even though the thoughts are (usually) so clear in our minds. Weird).

Before I proceed, a disclaimer must be issued. We cannot really be under the illusion that we are always right (keep breathing…) and see fully accurately (even though my writing that is (to any self-respecting autist) a ridiculous notion, because inside our heads, I realise that’s what most of us truly believe. We fully believe we are always right…although some of us have learnt to not push that point too far in some contexts to avoid fallout in our interactions with other humans). This is less about right or wrong sight/insight and more about the clarity with which we see whatever it is we are seeing.

The second disclaimer is we would be wise not to think that all ‘neurotypicals’ (if we must use the term) don’t have clarity of sight or accurate BS monitors…because many do. This is less about comparison, and more about a recognition of a strength often found in us autists.

To us (if you’ll permit me to speak (or write) on our behalf concerning this), what we see is obvious and clear, whether anyone else agrees with us or not. We might not share what we see to any others, but we’re (usually) clear in our own minds about what it is we are seeing. Right? Rather than a sense of trying to see through fog, isn’t it more that we tend to clearly see France across the Channel on a bright and clear Summer day? Mostly, I’d say that’s likely.

It took me a while to realise, but for some (maybe many – I have no data) Muggles (non-magical folk, that is…I mean, non-autistic folk…am I allowed to call them that? I’m not even sure. I don’t mean it as a derogatory term…after all, Hermione was an incredible Muggle-born witch…I’m just using it as a differentiating term and label – even though, where possible I try to not dwell too much on the differentiations and labels, which might seem contradictory, but isn’t when all nuances and angles are viewed)…but anyway, for many Muggles, sometimes it seems (to me) like they’re trying to see through the mist. Things that are ‘clear cut’ to me, can bring them internal struggle or confusion or can be the cause of much deliberation and changes in their thinking and planning. Maybe they are managing to take into account social factors I (or we) are blissfully unaware of? Maybe.

It's sometimes as if (for some of them for some of the time) edges can be blurred and not clearly defined. It’s as if there’s always ‘this’ to consider or there’s ‘that’ to factor in before what they think they are seeing might be what they are seeing. Even then, I’ve heard and seen them (having reached a point of seeing as clearly as they are going to in a scenario) then fully contradict themselves, as if what they think they saw in one scenario wasn’t linked to what they think they are seeing in another, even when the two are so intrinsically linked and I’m viewing them as twin-like contexts. Weird.

There also seems (often) to be a tendency for their sight to be influenced by either the expectation of others, or the views of others. Sometimes too, there seems to be a motivation of seeing things a certain way so as to (hopefully) not offend another human. Oh my. I feel for them. I couldn’t have all that noise in addition to all the noise I already have. I’d go madder than I realise some would think I already am (except, I’m actually not mad…again…weird, but true).

Maybe it is my (and possibly our if you’re similar in how you are) failures (I maybe should call them difficulties…but for me, I’m pretty sure they’re often failures) to do with all things social. Maybe because I know I have not got the capacity to take on board what might be expected or I haven’t grasped the full details in any given context of what is socially acceptable, that I can avoid this fogging up of what I think I am seeing. Maybe. Maybe because I am (now) not so worried how people view me or judge me because I’ve learnt it’s better for me if I don’t need their approval, it helps my sight.

I see our clarity of sight and (as some term it) our ‘black and white thinking’ as a strength. I realise it can work against us, but as I don’t have internal fog lights to help me navigate through even more life confusions or non-sense (to me), I’d much rather live with the truth or the illusion that how I am seeing is very clear. The edges are sharp. Also, whatever I think I am seeing (and you’ll be similar, I’m very sure) will make absolute logical sense (because I will have cross-referenced it with prior learning too), at least to me. It’s another strength. It is. How we ‘see’ is a strength. (All views my own.)