When did much of life become topsy-turvy? I’ve made an observation that has been (I now realise) lurking internally for many years. Following the potential revelation (if indeed it is a revelation), I have (as is my ‘norm’) been carrying out my own research, in the best ways I know how, regarding the observation in an attempt to check if there might be any validity in it. Factoring in the reality that my research methods will be flawed, and my own analyses are likely to be in some measure misjudged, and aware I can only see a tiny part of anything, I do still admit to being a little perturbed by what I have discovered so far.
When did, “To be honest with you…”, often precede a lie or a misrepresentation (exaggeration etc) of that which is true? Unless my experience of this phrase is totally different to anyone else’s (which surely, it can’t be), it seems that the phrase (wherever it sits in any given sentence) “…to be honest with you…” is often (although not always) the pre-warning of an imminent lie that is about to land. Or if not a lie, then an exaggeration of any kind of part truth.
I do admit to intentionally watching the other behaviours that accompany the phrase as part of my research. How do ‘Mr or Mrs To Be Honest With You’ manage the next few seconds of the interaction once they have uttered the potential deception? Do they stutter over simple words, when that isn’t usual for them? Is their sentence construction a little ‘off’ because their minds are racing to attempt to cover the lie or exaggeration that they’ve begun to utter? Are there any accompanying body language indicators evident that might suggest they are even slightly uncomfortable? Do they seem to relax when approaching the end of ‘whatever it was’ they were saying that included a version of “…be honest with you…”? Is the slight relaxation due to a small amount of relief at finding they don’t need to come up with any further (hopefully for them) convincing points, evidence or rationale as to why what they’ve just said is ‘honest’ even if it isn’t? Tricky to know.
I have (as any of you who have read anything I’ve ever written will know) been fascinated and intrigued by human behaviour for a significant portion of my life, whether it be the behaviour of others or my own. It is how I try to fathom out life alongside other humans on the planet. I am now studying it more formally too, and the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know.
What are my current conclusions (albeit a work in progress) as to what is to be done about the 'to be honest with you' aspect of life when it is delivered to cover a lie or exaggeration? From what I can collate internally in the ‘now of now’, I have one singular responsibility within it, don’t I?
I am fully and utterly responsible for what I say following any form of ‘to be honest with you’. If I wish people would be honest with me when they say they are being honest, then honesty must be my action irrespective of what they choose to do. Right?
Dawn, try to be what you want to see in the world. Be careful who you trust because you know how that goes, but don’t allow the choices of others to make you just follow their lead. And just because they were dishonest or controlling or manipulative, don’t ‘do to others what they did to you’ when what they did wasn't positive. Never do that. If you choose that, you simply perpetuate the issue, surely. Self lecture over.
Those of us who are wired autistically can feel the need to have some control in our lives. Many of us autists often feel we exist within a lot that we cannot control. That is true, however, here is a beautiful fact. We do have some control. We control how we are, how we behave and what choices we make. And we get to decide what we say if we have uttered the phrase that now triggers an internal alarm for me, “…to be honest with you.”. It might be a bit of a jungle out there, but we do still get to make our own choices, right?
