Seeking Guidance?

Super-sensitivity comes in a variety of forms, and we know it can metaphorically sit under many different ‘need’ labels: autism/bi-polar/dyslexia/social emotional mental health (SEMH)/hormonal/human. We might be one who is super-sensitive to kinds of things like fabrics, sounds, words, attitudes, moods of others, emotions, tastes, textures, smells or even the nuance of what someone says compared to what they mean (with that meaning hiding behind the words used). We might be sensitive nearly all the time, or for a season of life or every now and then. There are no hard and fast rules. We may be sensitive because of needs within a label/diagnosis we have or outside of any label. If we’re human, my guess is that at some point or other, we will all feel sensitive about something or a particular situation.

Is there a way for the ‘super-sensitive one’ to be best supported as they navigate their sensitivities? Is it possible for there to be a role for ‘one who attempts to walk alongside’ them as they manage the sensitivities? Is there a way for each ‘super-sensitive one’ to view their own sensitivities? I think maybe there is.

If in doubt, think ‘butterfly’. 🦋

I (partially) realise that dealing with super-sensitive individuals (of whatever label or none) can be exhausting and frustrating. As I am one, I can only attempt to project how it might be for those who live in a whole different life-climate to me, however, I will try.

I image (as you attempt to stand-alongside the ‘super-sensitive one’) that it may seem the ground rules frequently change. Yes, this may be because of stimuli you are unaware of, or triggers unseen externally to the ‘super-sensitive one’, but how are you supposed to know about what caused the shift? Having that information is then only the precursor to working out if there is anything you can or will action because of whatever caused the shifts, right?  

It may also seem that approaches used previously are now ineffective (at best) or damaging (at worst).

It may be that even with combinational processes that worked before as ways to help, or distract, or encourage are now not working, whatever way they are combined or in what order.

It may be that previously effective strategies can later be reintroduced and become effective again, whilst for other ‘methods’ (even the previously most impactful ones), not a chance.

It may be that the super-sensitive one is also very determined and independent, and attempting to strike any kind of balance seems impossible (and this is why I have called you the 'one who stands alongside' and not the 'one who supports'. The 'super-sensitive one' may need to support themselves and not feel overly helped from anyone outside themselves).

It may also be that your ‘need to be needed’ is wound up in the process of it all for the ‘super-sensitive one’ and they have sniffed that out (or think they have, as it might just be imagined, but nevertheless…) and it might be making them recoil a little (or a lot). They might also be internally battling their need to attempt to stand on their own two feet alongside the fact they realise they cannot do it alone.

By the time it’s all been factored in, even with the best will in the world, alongside all the determination that can be mustered how best can one support the ‘super-sensitive one’ (and levels of patience that are medal-worthy, depending on who is judging the process), it is undoubtedly a tricky job attempting to be ‘one who attempts to walk with’. I can (mostly) see that. You, as ‘one who attempts to walk with’ have a lot to navigate and often you are (likely) doing this blindly, in some if not all ways.

A note for consideration to us from the super-sensitive camp: It might be wise that we have a measure of intentional empathy for the person aiming to be ‘one who attempts to walk with’. I do acknowledge that empathy can be a personal overload area for many ‘super-sensitive ones’. My inner empath is always over-active and although also mostly right (she says), she is frequently waaaay too much for me to manage. I must always tread carefully to ensure I am not swamped by her. The empathy I’m suggesting towards the ‘one who attempts to walk with’ is not the overload level of empathy type of empathy. It’s more at a level of awareness type of empathy. The awareness being that the 'one who is attempting to walk alongside you' definitely cares about you but might be feeling a bit helpless - and although you probably can't (and don't need to) 'fix' that, it might be wise to be aware of it. They are undoubtedly trying to do the best thing to back you up. Their actions or inactions are likely rooted in seeking the best outcomes for you.

I wrote the partial answer (as I see it) right at the start, and that was intentional: If in doubt, think 'butterfly'. 🦋

Butterflies are sensitive to all manner of environmental factors. They are not resilient to extremes of weather temperatures. Their life span is ridiculously short (a matter of weeks, or very occasionally, months) considering all the processes they go through to become a butterfly. They are beautiful. They are delicate. The fact that their wings are often translucent is another indication of just how fragile they are as a species. They flit all over the place and are mostly not inhibited by the boundaries of others.

If a ‘one who attempts to walk with’ were to try to hold on too tightly to a ‘super-sensitive one’ (even if this were an attempt to protect them) it would cause damage…just as it would if one were to attempt to hold a butterfly.

Will there be catastrophes along the way for individual butterflies or ‘super-sensitive ones’? Undoubtedly, yes. But this is just what is real and so must be accepted. I would go as far as to say it is both necessary and wise to allow the super-sensitive one to flit as much as they need/will, without any attempt to wrap them in literal or metaphorical cotton-wool. If you, as 'one who is attempting to stand alongside', can refrain from judging them positively or negatively, whether any particular 'flit' was an outstanding success (as the world might view it) or a catastrophic disaster, you will be the very best 'one who is attempting to stand alongside' that the super-sensitive one could hope to have somewhere near-by.

If you are ‘one who is attempting to walk alongside’ a ‘super-sensitive one’, I do wish you luck.

If you feel you’re ever ‘getting it wrong’, please don’t panic. It is likely that there will just be a further metamorphosis going on in the life of the ‘super-sensitive one’. If you do not try to control how they are after the transformation, it will be just fine. You’ll both readjust. If you have no agenda to control and they do not feel threatened, you’re likely to positively navigate the next season of being able to be ‘one who attempts to walk with’. Yes, it’s a seemingly ever-changing climate, but all that you do for the ‘super-sensitive one’ is valued. They really do appreciate it, even if they sometimes forget to say (or are saying in a language you don’t fully understand).

If in doubt, think 'butterfly'. 🦋